My Secret Heart
by Nahterpie
Summary: Ling manages to find a way to speak to Lan Fan alone, though he's gone to some pretty elaborate lengths to do so, and what he's got to say surprises her. Is she ready to open her heart to him? [Ling x Lan Fan]


It started as a drabble and I just couldn't stop. These two...

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Pairing: Lingfan (Ling x Lan Fan)  
Anime:Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters.

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My Secret Heart

Lan Fan stopped mid-step. She would know that _qi _anywhere. It was heavily masked and suppressed, but to her it was as clear as if he had announced he was in the garden himself. The bodyguard became instantly suspicious and scanned the room for any sign of why she should be feeling his presence, but the sheer number of people in the crowded garden and the low lighting created by paper lanterns made it a difficult task. Being surrounded by this many people made her uncomfortable, but she had essentially been forced to attend the celebrations - even when she protested and refused to leave the Emperor's side.

How had she allowed him to order her to go and 'have fun' (in his words) against her better judgement?

A voice in her head, that sounded suspiciously like her grandfather's, was telling her she should have snuck back, knowing it was for the Emperor's own good; with such a large crowd it would be easy for someone to slip into the Palace unnoticed. Lan Fan's unease began to escalate as she considered the disgrace and horror of failing in her sworn duty to the nation and allowing someone to get past her. She tried to ignore the painful squeeze in her chest that she knew to be her own personal feelings about the Emperor of Xing. Even after all these years of swearing to listen to her head, not her heart, she still struggled with the conflicting emotions they gave her. Duty first. Always duty first.

Lan Fan began to navigate around the party-goers, easily passing between them like a shadow. She would usually have stuck out even in a large crowd because of her bright mask and black uniform, but she noticed how all of the guests also wearing masks made her blend in so well that nobody gave her a second glance. The party had been the Emperor's idea to boost morale and improve relations between the nation's people and the members of the Royal Palace. Lan Fan knew he held secret hopes that one day there would be less of a class divide within Xing and a stronger feeling of unity between all of its people. Though why he had decided it was to include the wearing of masks was beyond her. Maybe he felt that disguising everyone's identity would strip away their differences? Sometimes she still couldn't figure him out after all these years together.

Being unable to see anyone's face just added to her concerns, and then it was difficult to think clearly in the noise of the celebrations too and Lan Fan just felt as if all her senses were being blocked one by one. The only thing she could rely on was her _qi _sense, easily feeling each person in the garden as a burst of energy along the Dragon's Pulse.

The energy signature from earlier was still in the area, but she couldn't pinpoint its location. Lan Fan stopped for a moment and focused harder. Surely it was impossible that he should be somewhere in the garden, since there was no indication from any of the guests, but she pressed deeper onto the Dragon's Pulse to be sure. He had told her he was going to retire to bed early, after ordering her to attend the party, and she had made sure to post a bodyguard outside of his quarters in her absence. So it was impossible that he should feel this close.

"Lan Fan." A voice whispered close to her ear, and Lan Fan realised that she had been all but paralysed by the recognition of the person behind her. "Lan Fan, it's me." The voice whispered again, closer to her ear. She finally turned.

"Y-Your Majesty - !"

"Shhh! Not so loud, nobody knows I'm here." Ling said with a casual wave of his hand, and Lan Fan could hear the smile in his voice. The Emperor of Xing was dressed in a plain sleeveless shirt and light trousers, all in black, with a mask covering his face that was red in colour and wore a demonic expression. The look reminded her of Greed.

"What - ... How - ..." She didn't know where to start, and people were still dancing and walking past them both and nobody knew that the Emperor (_the Emperor_) was standing right there and talking to her like it was nothing and Gods _what if somebody found out_. Ling chuckled and Lan fan could just about see his eyes crinkling happily through the holes in his mask.

"Come on, I'll explain somewhere quieter." He turned to move away, but after a couple of steps realised Lan Fan wasn't following. With a sad smile, that she couldn't see anyway, Ling came back to the silent bodyguard. Though her mask covered most of her expression he could see the conflict and confusion in her dark eyes, and he knew her face well enough to almost see it.

Lan Fan couldn't move; she was frozen in place by the thoughts racing around her head. It had been such a long time since she and Ling had spoken alone, or that she had been in his presence without having to stand behind him, avert her eyes or kneel. It just didn't feel right to have him speak to her like they weren't leagues away from each other all the time, even when they were close. If he was discovered outside of the Palace and his Imperial Robes, talking to a bodyguard - at a party! What would the people say? What would they do? No no no. It was her job to protect him, and she couldn't let this continue. But the words she wanted to say to him '_What are you doing here? Go back to the Palace! Don't talk to me! Don't be seen with me!' _just wouldn't come.

Ling had always tried to keep up their friendship even when he had been made Emperor, but Lan Fan had purposefully distanced herself from him, so that he would command the utmost respect from the other members of the Palace who saw her only as the orphan guard with the metal arm. He couldn't be seen to be friendly with someone in her position, and she would never let anyone say that she was over familiar with the Emperor she was supposed to be guarding. That he was a respected and unquestioned ruler was all she needed, and keeping him safe was her life's duty, so it didn't matter that she had to push down her own personal feelings.

Except that now those feelings were all she could hear, and all she could feel, with every inch of her whole body. She should be nothing but the Emperor's bodyguard, but all she wanted to be was Lan Fan.

"Trust me." Ling said in a low voice, reaching out and taking hold of her metal hand with his own. She knew that she couldn't feel his hand really, but her metal fingers closed around his anyway and she felt the phantom warmth spread to her chest. He tugged gently and Lan Fan allowed herself to follow her childhood friend.

Ling led them both to a quieter part of the garden, where there were only a few couples sitting amongst the grass or on benches, sharing secret conversations and the view of the night sky from the Palace Gardens. A little further away was a huge tree spreading its thick branches high and wide, and Ling stopped at its base.

"After you." He said letting go of her hand and motioning upwards with a bow at the waist. It got the exact reaction he was looking for when Lan Fan shook her head frantically and bowed lower.

"No, please My Lord, you first." When she raised her head Ling was already seated on a thick branch and tapping the space next to him. After a little hesitation she pushed off the ground and landed gracefully beside him, lowering herself onto the branch and letting her feet dangle in the warm air. She still felt uneasy about the whole situation, but she also trusted the Emperor, so if it was important to get her here, she would do as he said. Ling reached behind his head and undid the cord holding his mask on, pulling it off and holding it in his hands.

"Feels good to finally get that off. I have no idea how you keep yours on all the time." Ling said lightly, flicking his bangs out of his eyes and Lan Fan realised he had abandoned his usual hair style of it being pulled back into a bun in favour of his old ponytail. He looked just like he always used to. Like Ling. He was smiling at her and she became aware of staring at him openly, something she hadn't done since Amestris. Her cheeks flamed with embarrassment at such an act and she turned away before he noticed, though he would tease her when they were children and would always know her embarrassed look, even just from her eyes. She jumped slightly when she felt hands at the back of her head, and realised Ling was undoing her own mask. He gently pulled it away from her face and placed it on the branch to the other side of him, along with his own.

"I've been trying to think of a way to speak to you for a long time." Ling began softly, and Lan Fan turned back to see him gazing out over the garden. "I tried to catch your attention in the Palace, but you started turning away from me... I felt like you were abandoning me. I tried all sorts of things to make it so we could be alone, just you and me, but there was always someone else around; another guard, an advisor, a member of the Royal Court... I decided that I just had to speak to you no matter what, you know? Sooo," he made a large sweeping motion towards the direction of the party and chuckled, "I made this happen."

"'This'? My Lord... You did all this... the party... the masks... so you could speak to me?" Lan Fan started putting it all together, but could hardly believe it. Ling grinned at her, but she could see the loneliness that he had been hiding and she felt the blood in her body run cold. All the time she'd been pushing him away, she thought she was doing it to protect him, but all he'd wanted was...

"I made up some political celebration in my proposal to the members of the Royal Court, and ordered the masks to be worn as part of the party so I could hide myself in plain sight. I made it quite clear to everyone that I was going to bed early, and since I knew nobody would disturb me I was free to sneak out for the night. Nobody will even know I'm gone."

"But, the guard I posted outside your chambers...?" She asked slowly. It was all too much for Lan Fan; she didn't even know what she was feeling anymore, and her rational thought had long since abandoned her.

"Oh him, he was easy to slip past. He's not you Lan Fan."

"I... My Lord..." She took a breath, and wished fervently that she still had her mask on.

"The only problem was getting you to leave your post. I had to order you, as Emperor, to go to a party!" Ling laughed again and Lan Fan couldn't help but smile, finding his good humour affecting her, in spite of her own troubled feelings. She let the good moment linger and stayed quiet while she looked out over the pretty garden and the crowd of merry people in the distance. This was the closest they'd been since the incident with her arm, when she'd gone to desperate measures to keep Ling alive, knowing he wouldn't leave her to save himself. Just like what she'd tried to do by putting distance between them; it was painful, but she thought she had to cut herself off from him because he wouldn't do it himself. Except that this time she'd been wrong. The hurt she'd seen hidden behind that smile was proof of that. She would not - _could not - _hurt Ling. Lan Fan looked down at her hands in her lap, one metal and one flesh, and clenched them.

"You would do all this just to talk to me? Just so we could be alone? I don't deserve the honour, Your Majesty. I don't want to hurt you. Please, you can just forget about me and focus on being a great Emperor that considers only the needs of his people." Lan Fan tried to sound strong, but continued staring at the hands in her lap. She heard the branch they sat on groan as Ling leaned forwards to try and look into her eyes. When she still refused to look at him he reached over and grabbed both of her hands in his own, and held them tightly.

"But how can I consider only the needs of my people when I'm always thinking of you? I want to be the ruler Xing deserves, but I can only do that if you're with me." Ling gripped onto the smaller hands in his, feeling the difference of one soft, warm hand and the other sharp and cold. The automail was one of the most beautiful parts of Lan Fan, because other people's strength of spirit was hidden on the inside, but hers was shining for all to see. He had always respected and held a great affection for his bodyguard, but the lengths she went to that he couldn't himself, and the way she bore it with such strength amazed him. He could still see her slumped against the tunnel wall, with a dog running away with her arm, and tying his own shirt across her bloodied shoulder and telling her over and over again to not die.

When she returned to help him fight Gluttony in the forest he could hardly keep the joy out of his voice. She'd found him. It was those feelings that continued to burn in his chest long after the battle, coming back to Xing with the philosophers stone, and even after becoming Emperor. There were many sacrifices he had been forced to make to become the ruler of the country he loved so much, but Lan Fan would not be one of them.

Lan Fan stayed silent, but she had always been someone who preferred to think and observe before taking action. Her heart hammered wildly, and she could feel the heat of what Ling was saying spreading across her cheeks and her skin. When she spoke it came out as barely more than a whisper.

"Grandfather told me that we could never be together. When I had my automail surgery he already knew how I felt about you, and he told me that I had to stop, because you were going to be Emperor and I was always going to be your servant." She felt tears sting in the back of her eyes and willed them not to fall. She had only cried a handful of times in her entire life and she wasn't intending on adding to that list. "He was only trying to keep me from hurting, but I told him it made no difference because you were so far ahead of me and you always would be. I already knew that there would never be anything between us. I knew all along, even from when we were children and you would tease me and play pranks on me. I..." Lan Fan faltered, unable to continue. To say it out loud after all this time would mean she couldn't take it back.

Ling removed one his hands from hers, and put it under her chin to gently tilt her face up. He could see the moisture shining in her dark eyes, and he looked into them intensely.

"Fu was wrong. You've never been my 'servant' Lan Fan. Neither of you were. He was like a father to me, he practically raised me. And you," Ling rubbed his thumb under her eyes to wipe away the tears before they fell, "you were my only friend as a child; you were my unwilling partner in crime, my secret keeper and my voice of reason. Then you were my best friend; my training partner, my travel companion... my inspiration. And you became the only person I could ever imagine spending the rest of my life with." His thumb could no longer wipe away all the tears that had finally spilled over and rolled down Lan Fan's cheeks.

"I can make this work. I promise. I don't want 50 heirs that can only think of succession and trying to kill each other. I want to make Xing a place where its rulers are chosen by their merit and their spirit. And that starts with me and you." Ling's easy grin returned and he rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. "Only if you say yes, obviously."

And suddenly all of the confusion and the inner turmoil seemed to melt away. Lan Fan could still feel the tears flowing, but they were filled with all of the joy she couldn't find the words for.

"I - My Lord - "

"Just Ling, please. For tonight, I'm just me." He shrugged. Lan Fan hesitated, and finally wiped her face with her sleeve.

"M- ... Ling," she began, realising how strange but wonderful his name felt to say, and he smiled, "I just never imagined this. You were a Prince, and now you're the _Emperor_..." Her heart had finally slowed, though she swore she could still hear every beat. Not even in her wildest dreams did she dare to hope that he shared the feelings she had pushed down and kept hidden. It was incredible. More than that! There were no words. Lan Fan realised then that he was still waiting for an answer, and her face lit up with a smile as she looked at his earnest face. "I have been by your side my whole life. I will never leave it again."

Ling pulled her face close and rested his forehead against her own.

"Then all of tonight was worth it. That's all I wanted to hear."

They stayed like that for a moment before Ling moved away, grabbed the two masks, and dropped to the ground all in one smooth movement. He beamed up at her from the ground, his intense eyes burning with an emotion that made her heart skip once more, and tied his mask back onto his face. Lan Fan was a little surprised at the sudden movement and wiped her face clear of the remnants of her tears, unable to stop smiling the whole time. She caught her own mask as Ling threw it up to her and she also tied it back onto its familiar place. By the time she looked back down to him he was standing with his arms wide open. Ling the Emperor of Xing who was wearing a simple black shirt, and a mask that looked like the soul of a Homunculus. The man she loved.

"There's a few hours before the party ends. Are you going to join me, Lan Fan?"

He didn't need to ask twice. She jumped off the branch and into his waiting arms.


End file.
